The Abyss of Self Destruction

To preface this blog post, I just want to say that I’ve been doing quite a bit of healing and focus on myself this summer. This post was written a couple of months back and I’ve been debating if it should even be posted. I feel that there are many others that can relate to this “zombie” feeling I am describing. I’m telling you, it’s the worst feeling to be full of self pity, laziness, and selfishness. To those of you that are in a slump in life, I pray this lifts you up. I pray that it can be encouraging that I battled this feeling and am in the process of recovering. So here it is…


THE ABYSS OF SELF DESTRUCTION…

When reality sets in things change. That light goes off in your brain and you realize things need to change. Things can change for the better or they can spiral into an abyss that leads to self destruction. It’s hard to describe how it starts. I blame three main characters that have played a part in this. Self pity, laziness, and selfishness. These are some of the worst traits that humans can posses and together can create a lifestyle that can only lead to self destruction. I’m not saying I’ve experienced the lowest of the lows and to those who are reading this who have I am sorry and I pray that you allow God to lift you back up. However, I have been able to realize the reality of loosing myself and edging closer to falling into the abyss of self destruction. It’s a scary feeling to realize how far you have lost yourself.

It’s when you separate yourself from family, friends, and loved ones. You forget all the dreams and plans you had for your future. You stop praying and you stop caring. The world caves in on you, but you just let it happen. You start living as if you’re a zombie. You voluntarily make choices that at first seem innocent, but can quickly snowball into a lifestyle of sin. You can instantaneously loose yourself in one moment by giving into a seemingly meaningless decision. When you start to pity yourself, decide to not make the effort to change anything in your life for the better, and become consumed with fulfilling selfish desires… that is the essence of self destruction.

This battle against yourself may seem hard at times, and trust me it will be hard. There is a God that is bigger than us who can fight the toughest battles. There is hope and safe haven in God. In Him is safety and security from the evils within you. He can defeat your most challenging battles. I encourage you and myself to daily give the battle over to God. He will make your heart clean again, fill you with peace and love, and cleanse all those selfish desires, replacing them with desires to serve Him and love His church and the family of believers. He will replace all the negative thoughts with positive ones. He will take the zombie you have become and breathe new life into it.

I’m a believer in change and repentance. Reckless lifestyles can be changed. While reckless decisions cannot be taken back, the lifestyle to continue making those decisions can be reversed. Replace self pity with love, laziness with courage, and selfishness with the attitude to be selfless in all things. Stop it with the blame game, do not even blame yourself. Forgive yourself, and learn that you are on a new path that your past has no control over. Do not let a day go by without abounding in love and prayer. Replace bad habits with good ones and lean on God for strength and encouragement.

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Finding Prince Charming

As a child I dreamed of Disney romances of my own. I wanted to be a princess and ride off into the sunset with my Prince Charming. I wanted nothing more than to hope for a happily ever after. After I began dating I realized that Prince Charming was going to be really difficult to find. So, there began my journey. A journey of heart break, disappointment, and a lot of hard lessons learned. I could regret everything about my choices in the dating world, but I choose not to because sometimes learning the hard way is the best way to learn. I find that I am susceptible to getting my heartbroken, due to the hopeless romantic that lives inside me. As a teenager the pressures to date can be very overwhelming. The whole dating world seems to be extravagant and exciting. It’s a world that is really difficult not to desire, but as I’ve grown through my past dating experiences realizing I’m only creating a world of garbage for myself. Yes, I said it. Garbage. There is nothing worse than finding out the one you thought was your Prince Charming is not. The pain and heartbreak that comes creates a lot of garbage. It’s emotional garbage. So I learned to take out the trash, let God in, and give it over to God to find my Prince Charming for me. The dating world of a christian should be different. “Garbage dating” needs to stop, and as christian young ladies we should take dating seriously and be constant in prayer for our Prince Charming and be wise in all our ways. One simple step is defining love from God’s perspective.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.


This passage is commonly recited at weddings, and one I know nearly every word to by heart. It’s my idea of true love. It’s bigger than the childish dream I’ve grown up with about marrying Prince Charming. I absolutely love the idea of loving and to be loved in this beautiful way. Here in 1 Corinthians, the apostle Paul defines love. This is a truly heart warming passage of scripture as it lists the characteristics of what love is and what love is not. This scripture has always stuck out to me as the scripture to live by especially when pursing a godly relationship. It’s one that will be recited at my wedding and is one of my favorite passages of scripture. With love nothing else matters. God is love.
We should continually fall in love with God every day. As we continually seek His truth and strengthen our faith. In God we have an endless hope for eternity. With this faith and hope, come love. It is God’s perfect love. We have love for all that God has done for us. We have love for a Savior who lived a human life as we do full of temptations and deception, yet was perfect and endured a painful death, so that we could be made perfect.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
-John 15:13 
I would encourage each and every one of you to search for love. Stay away from the “garbage love” and open your heart to something deeper and more meaningful. Take out the trash, and do away with emotional heartache. Open your heart to the love of God. It’s so wonderful and amazing what God can do in our lives if we just have faith, keep the hope, and above all love Him.
“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
-1 Corinthians 13:13

Guard Your Heart

“Keep your heart from all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.”

-Proverbs 4:23

What is in your heart? Is your heart full of love and joy, or is it full of hate, deceit, and foolishness? Are you taking care of your heart? Is God there? Are you letting God in or keeping him out?  Have you gave into the temptations of Satan?

I often times ask myself these questions concerning where my heart is. If my heart isn’t for God than my heart is for Satan. There is no gray area when it comes to obeying God.

There has been a spiritual battle between God and Satan from the very first sin of time. As soon as Adam and Eve partook of that forbidden fruit, perfect unity between God and man ceased to exist. Throughout the Old Testament we see how God instructs the Israelite nation (God’s chosen people) to follow numerous commandments, laws, and ceremonies. Animals were often sacrificed as atonement for the sins of the people. These laws and animal sacrifices could not be kept completely and perfectly by man. God sent his perfect son Jesus to die as the ultimate, perfect, and most holy sacrifice so that we may have a chance to live someday in eternity with the God of creation.Jesus is the bridge to a perfect and complete unity with God again and an everlasting life in a perfect home called Heaven, where there will be no tears or heartache. Jesus always wins, and Satan will always loose. As Christians we can have full confidence in the power of Christ Jesus to save us.

What obstacles is Satan using against you?

Living the christian life is not the easiest, but for every temptation God always provides a way of escape.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

-1 Corinthians 10:13

Have you prayed for that way of escape from the tangled web of sin? God is bigger than any temptation or struggle. God is bigger than life itself because He is the one who created everything. He was here before the beginning and is all knowing and all eternal. God is above all.

God deserves our hearts and our entire being. Praise him form whom all blessings flow.

My Journaling Bible

Bible Journaling has become a favorite hobby of mine just in the past year or two. This is my ESV Single Column Journaling Bible by Crossway. I would highly recommend this particular bible to absolutely anyone. If you are not into drawing in your bible, this is a great bible to use to take notes. I first got into Bible Journaling because I was looking for a bible that I could use for note taking. I found that bible journaling has become a new trend in the christian community. There are a variety of techniques as far as amterial go. I have tried watercolors before, but mostly stick to colored pencils, crayons, and black ink gel pens. Most of my bible journaling is a mixture of note-taking and art. I find bible journaling to help in meditation on the Word. Please contact me or comment below for any questions.

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