To preface this blog post, I just want to say that I’ve been doing quite a bit of healing and focus on myself this summer. This post was written a couple of months back and I’ve been debating if it should even be posted. I feel that there are many others that can relate to this “zombie” feeling I am describing. I’m telling you, it’s the worst feeling to be full of self pity, laziness, and selfishness. To those of you that are in a slump in life, I pray this lifts you up. I pray that it can be encouraging that I battled this feeling and am in the process of recovering. So here it is…
THE ABYSS OF SELF DESTRUCTION…
When reality sets in things change. That light goes off in your brain and you realize things need to change. Things can change for the better or they can spiral into an abyss that leads to self destruction. It’s hard to describe how it starts. I blame three main characters that have played a part in this. Self pity, laziness, and selfishness. These are some of the worst traits that humans can posses and together can create a lifestyle that can only lead to self destruction. I’m not saying I’ve experienced the lowest of the lows and to those who are reading this who have I am sorry and I pray that you allow God to lift you back up. However, I have been able to realize the reality of loosing myself and edging closer to falling into the abyss of self destruction. It’s a scary feeling to realize how far you have lost yourself.
It’s when you separate yourself from family, friends, and loved ones. You forget all the dreams and plans you had for your future. You stop praying and you stop caring. The world caves in on you, but you just let it happen. You start living as if you’re a zombie. You voluntarily make choices that at first seem innocent, but can quickly snowball into a lifestyle of sin. You can instantaneously loose yourself in one moment by giving into a seemingly meaningless decision. When you start to pity yourself, decide to not make the effort to change anything in your life for the better, and become consumed with fulfilling selfish desires… that is the essence of self destruction.
This battle against yourself may seem hard at times, and trust me it will be hard. There is a God that is bigger than us who can fight the toughest battles. There is hope and safe haven in God. In Him is safety and security from the evils within you. He can defeat your most challenging battles. I encourage you and myself to daily give the battle over to God. He will make your heart clean again, fill you with peace and love, and cleanse all those selfish desires, replacing them with desires to serve Him and love His church and the family of believers. He will replace all the negative thoughts with positive ones. He will take the zombie you have become and breathe new life into it.
I’m a believer in change and repentance. Reckless lifestyles can be changed. While reckless decisions cannot be taken back, the lifestyle to continue making those decisions can be reversed. Replace self pity with love, laziness with courage, and selfishness with the attitude to be selfless in all things. Stop it with the blame game, do not even blame yourself. Forgive yourself, and learn that you are on a new path that your past has no control over. Do not let a day go by without abounding in love and prayer. Replace bad habits with good ones and lean on God for strength and encouragement.
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